Firsy day of work!

Over the past couples months I've been trying desperately to get a job. It got to the point where any standards I may have had (oh gawd please no fast food) were lowered (do you want fries with that?).
And finally, finally, I got a call back. For the same place as my grandmother has worked for something like nine years (she denies any responsibility in the job offer, but I still think she pulled strings.), and the interview, although quick, went amazing. I didn't spit on the interviewer (my teeth have these water jets behind them that like to embarrass me whenever they have the chance. For instance, I was getting a ride from a guy I completely and utterly adored at the time. I tried to talk, but no, no words came out, only spit. He exclaimed "EWWW" and proceeded to wipe his entire arm (I'm thorough) and the seat with the most disgusted look on his face. I kind of died.)

So! As far as I was concerned, this was a win for me!
Then the training happened the next day.
Saying I was overwhelmed would be an understatement. I'm working as someone who makes appointments for people who need their taxes done. Sounds simple enough, right? No. Oh no. Every other word out of my employers mouth is an acronym, and the EOE is SSH that ICMTS.
(Expectations of Employees is So Stupidly High that I Cried Myself To Sleep.)
I have no tax knowledge, in fact, I've never made enough that I even had to file. So when they start talking about 'basic' tax procedures, and then that we offer loans as well... 

The only loans I really understand are my student loans. But even there, I see the "PAY THIS AMOUNT" and I pay it. There are no %'s or meetings or UA. (unnecessary acronyms.)
As of this point, I don't even know what office I'm supposed to work at. Or how much I make. Or even what hours I work.
And my boss is out today.